I've been really hating life lately. I've been so down and unmotivated that I'm not getting anywhere in life. I'm just slowly sinking back down that dark depressing hole that I've been so desperately trying to climb out of for what seems like forever.

School is sucking beyond belief. I dropped Humanities and my English class. I was doing terrible anyway. I want to drop my Chemistry class. It's just too hard, and there's no way I'm going to improve that grade. The only reason I haven't yet is because I'm afraid of my grandparent's reactions...I mean, they're the ones that have dished out money for me to go to school. Maybe I should just let them know how much of a failure I have become, and then tell them that I will start saving up and I will pay my own way.

Home life really sucks too. Jay's never home, and when he is, he's usually too drunk or passed out to even talk about anything. I've been trying to clean the house up as much as I can, and I've been doing a pretty good job at it, but then days like yesterday happen where my dogs just ruin everything in the house, and I can't keep up with their messes.

I need to learn to say no to hanging out with people, but I know if I say no then they get mad at me. I've already heard that one of my friends has been talking about me behind my back saying things like I'm going to lose all of my friends because all I ever do is hang out with James. Whatever! She always gets like this whenever something good happens in my life. I'm so sick of it. Sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with certain people when they just constantly bring me back down.

I have no clue where I'm heading in life, and I'm starting to feel entirely lost. I feel so awful lately. It's so hard to just get myself to do anything. I need some serious motivation in my life.

At least I have James. He's been amazing to me lately. He is one person who actually cares about me unconditionally. I only have a few of those friends in my life. He's pretty much amazing.

I'm so fed up with feeling like this. I don't understand. I love my new job. I'm really happy with my amazing boyfriend. There's so much to be thankful for, to be happy for, but...yet...I still feel really depressed. It's just not fair. I don't want to feel like this.

This day will go down in history...

History has been made today. Barack Obama is the first black president of the United States of America! I'm happy for that, but that's not why I voted for him. I agree with a lot of his ideas and plans for this country, and I do believe that he would make a better difference than McCain would have. No one can know for sure though, can they?

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