I need money! Now!!!!!!!! I can't wait until I start working normal hours and making more money. James's birthday is coming up, but I already know exactly what I'm getting for him and it's affordable :) Then I've got to pay off cable, insurance, phone bill, and the gym, plus pay Jamie and Jay back for covering me this month when I was completely broke. Then I have to save up money for Christmas...and that's going to suck. I love seeing my family and spending time with them all, but I hate the feeling of not being able to afford nice things for everyone. I know it's not about the gifts. But, in today's world, people are spending lots of money on people, and I just can't keep up. I feel terrible for that.

Then, after that, I have to save up like crazy so I can see Kasie in Arizona this spring!!! I can't wait. I miss her so much that it isn't even funny. Yeah, I hate her as much as I love her, but she's like my sister, what can I say?

I have been feeling so lost lately. My school work has just been slipping like crazy because of everything else. Now that I'm not working as much, I've been trying to get the whole house clean, but it seems like when I clean anything up, the guys mess it up fast. I wish they could learn to help out around the house. It'd make my life a lot easier.

I worry about them so much. Jay's health is going to go down hill really soon if he doesn't stop the way he's living. I have no clue how he can drink as much as he does, and still function "normally". Plus, going out every night or staying up all night on the phone and getting only a few hours of sleep when he's putting in 12 hour shifts at work can't be healthy for him. And I'm so worried about Jamie. He seems kinda upset lately, and him being my brother will not talk to me about any of it. He also wants to move out soon, and that worries me because he already has trouble with doing normal housework...how's he supposed to live by himself?

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I do have to say though that if it wasn't for James right now, I'd be completely insane. I've never had a boyfriend quite like him. All of my ex's, I had to do all the comforting, and they weren't always there for me. They didn't quite get me. Let's face it...I didn't get them either. But, with James... when I have a problem or I'm really upset...I can literally run into his arms and he makes everything seem okay.

He's the one person who doesn't get disappointed or mad at me for things. He's just there for me, and I'm there for him. I'm not afraid to tell him anything, and that in itself should scare me, but it doesn't. Unlike other relationships, I don't feel like this one is constantly on the edge of going downhill. It's just us, walking slowly up hill, hand in hand. And that makes me really happy. I can't even begin to describe that. Yesterday, when I was about to leave his house, he started smiling like crazy, and I was like, "what?" And he said, "You have such a happy glow to you now than when you got here." Haha. He makes me happy...

Being with James makes me realize why my past relationships weren't necessarily the best relationships. Why they had a lot of drama in them, and why I felt used constantly. I have no clue where life is going to go, but with someone as supportive as James by my side...I know I'll make it.